Fit difference dis a ‘naethin’ mak atween freens?

Weel weel an, n foo’s aa mi freens e day?

Noo there’s some days fin A sit doon in front o ess computer ti dae some screevin e wirdies flow like e waater gyaun doon e Bronie Burn in spate! Bit then there’s ither days far there’s anafa drucht – hardly a dribble ti be fun – n ay, aat’s jist fit’s happened e day! Fit wull A screeve aboot? (Imagine the soun o a mannie scrattin his heid!)

Weel A sippose A cud screeve aboot aa ess promises wir hearin bein made b aa wir politeeshuns jist noo as anither election draas iver closer. Its amazin foo siller can suddenly be fun in wi ti be able ti dae aa the things aat they cudna fun ony siller for afore! N its e size o the amounts o siller aat they spik aboot nooadays – its richt fearsome! A myn fin A wis a loon seventy – five thoosand pounds wis e biggest amount ye cud win on e fitba pools – aat wis a michty big lot o siller awa back in e 50’s n e 60’s!

Nooadays aat wid jist be coonted as sma chynge fit wi fouk bein able ti win millions on e likes o e Lottery, etc., etc. Bit e size o e amounts aat’s bein bandied aboot jist noo it taks an ordinair craitur like m’sel a fair bittie o time ti jalouse n wirk oot.

Wir bein telt aat ess cwintry – ay, e United Kingdom - has a debt, or a black hole as some fouk caa it, o 1.9 trillion pounds!!?? Fit e hairile is 1.9 trillion pounds? Foo big a heap wid it mak? Wid it be the hicht o Bennachie, wid it ful a hole e size o Rubislaw Quarry?

Is there actually a mannie oot there somewye, rubbin his hans igither, sayin eence A get mi 1.9 trillion pounds back whit a pairty A’m gyan ti hae!!??

Fairly, weel noo, there appears ti be a bittie o a difference fin ye leuk up a dictionary aboot fit one trillion is – ane defines it as bein ‘one – followed by twelve nothings’; then anither says it is ‘one – followed by eighteen nothings’! So it lats ye see jist fit wye shuid w believe politeeshuns, bunkers or eyven mathematicians fin it comes ti siller?!

A fylie back A got ane o yon emails aat dis e roons, ess ane wis aa aboot tryin ti wirk oot e meanin ahin the nummer ‘one billion’ –

it gid like ess: one billion seconds ago it wis 1959; one billion minutes ago Jesus wis alive; one billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age; one billion days ago naebidy waaked on the earth on twa feet.

So e neist time ye hear politeeshuns spoutin awa n tellin us foo mony millions, or billions, or trillions its gyaun ti cost us, speir at them if they ken jist foo mony naethins they’re spikkin aboot?

N then wiv aa bin highly entertained n learned sic a lot frae the TV debates – or hiv w? Aa the anes A’ve seen sae far his bin naethin bit a rabble, a richt collieshangie n racket o fouk spikkin throu n ower ane anither, ess means of coorse aat ye canna mak heid ar tail o fit they are spikkin aboot! Weel A sippose it disna really maitter aa that muckle conseederin at they probably dinna ken fit they’re spikkin aboot onywye ar they’re jist spoutin a hillick o lees. Ay, the 8th o Mey canna come quick eneuch!!??