Takin throu han By Bill Johnston

Weel, weel an, n foo’s aa mi freens e day?

Mercy, here w are intil anither ‘eer again – 2012 – gweed sakes they’re gyaun by at anafa rate nooadays!

Noo than, the ither mornin here whit an almichty fleg A got!? Ye ken A wis richt sheer aat e Wife wis tryin tae pooshin mi? It wid hae been aboot aucht o e clock fan she telt mi tae cam throu til e kitchie for mi parritch. Of coorse bein a biddable kyn o a chiel as weel as bein a thochtie hungry kyn A made mi wye throu n plunkit m’sel doon at e kitchie buird. There waitin for mi wis mi plate fair reemin ful wi mi parritch wi a wee sprinklin o oatmeal ower e tap o’t, n sittin jist forrit o’t wis a bowlie o milk. A dippit mi speen intil e milk then intil e parritch, anither dip intil e milk n lifted it up mi moo. The anticipation o es first speenfu o parritch wis fair makin mi belly rummle, intil mi moo it gid, n Gyad-sakes!!! Whit a taste, it wis ugsome!! Gyad??

A glowert ower e table at e Wife, she wis jist pittin her first speenfu intil her moo, as her speen touched her lips A waatcht her face intently. “Gyad” she said “A think A’ve forgotten tae pit in e saat”!!

Ye ken, its aye been a mystery tae me fit wye onybidy cwid aet their parritch withoot ony saat in’t. So aat mornin e hens got mi parritch n I hid tae dae wi a bowl o corn flakes!

Noo e parritch aat I like is made wi oatflakes bit A ken aat a lot o fouk like oatmeal parritch, weel A’m nae sae keen on it, bit fit A div like is a bowl o brose. Funnily eneuch A wis spikkin til e Culter WRI jist e ither nicht here n e subject o brose cam up. In fac A got a fair bit o a begeck becis ae lady speirt at mi “fit wis brose”? A kent b her wird aat she wis English, peer craitur, so A hid tae tell her fit e ingredients o’t wis asweel as tellin her fou it wis made.

A myn a gweed fyow ‘eer back spikkin til a Senior Citizen’s Club, somewye roon aboot Turra if A myn richt, n it wis here aat A made a terrible mistak – A speirt at e menfouk fa wis there fit wis e richt wye tae mak brose? Michty me A wish A hid niver raised e question, Warld War Three jist aboot broke oot!

Twa aal lads cwidna gree, they argie-bargied back n fore, then ane o them steed up n shook his nieve at e ither ane, n es gid on for a gweed twa three meenits! Hooiver, A dinna myn fit A said ar fit A did bit eventually they baith quaitened doon! Ay, n iver since then A’ve niver speirt ony ither o mi aadiences aat question again!

Spikkin aboot questions it wid appear aat wir aa gyaun tae hae tae unswer a question cam 2014, es Referendum aboot whither w shuid be an independent n separate cwintry ar bide as w are. Weel noo, A hiv tae say aat A’m nae conveenced aat w shuid be independent n the mair aat I hear aa es Nationalistic rhetoric bein spouted b Mr Salmond n his cronies the mair A’m likely tae vote against it.

Ae simple fac is aat seerly wir aa far stronger n safer igither rather than bein separate n aleen! Nae doot there wull be a lot o lees telt afore 2014!