Takin throu han By Bill Johnston

Weel, weel an, n foo’s aa mi freens e day?

So aat’s e 2012 Olympic Games aa by wi, n ye ken, A did fair enjoy a gweedly pairt o them. Nae muckle winner of coorse wi oor British team daein sae weel n managin tae cam third in e medal table. Noo A jist hope aat Mr Salmond taks tent o es n draps his stupid notion o makin us a separate cwintry, it jist proves aat there’s a lot mair strength in wirkin igither n playin igither.

As A screeve es fyow wirds e rain is poorin doon yet again, whit a sotter n whit a plowter aathin is, n as for gettin ony ootside wirk daen its jist aboot impossible. Haein said aat hooiver there wis a couple o efterneens the ither wik here, Fiersday n Freday tae be preceese, fin A managed tae yoke mi Black n Decker hedge sheers n cut mi hedge.

Noo mi hedge is aboot aichty yairds lang n aboot five tae sax fit in hicht, n its mainly o haathorn, A hiv tae say it is noo gettin tae be a gey sair tyauve tae cut. The inside n e tap o’t wisna aa that bad tae cut bit e park side o’t, weel, aat wis a different story - fit wye? Gweed sakes there wis naethin bit sticky wullies, nettles n thristles growin at e back o’t asweel as growin up throu it – whit a tyauve – A got stung bi nettles, pricked bi thristles n tied in knots in e sticky wullies!

Ye ken, A’ve got a question for aa you educated fowk oot there, n its this, fit purpose did God pit sticky wullies on e Earth for?

Ay, A hiv tae confess aat there wis a gweedly nummer o gey interaistin wirdies, baith Doric n non-Doric anes, bein vented bi aul Mossies gin A got aat backside o mi hedge cut, ay, as A said, whit a tyauve!?

On e Setterday morning there wis still a wee aakwird bittie left tae cut – it nott mi laidder – so it wis daen in a maitter o a fyow meenits. Checkin mi waatch A saa aat it wis time for mi cuppie o coffee, so in e hoose as A enjoyed mi cuppie n mi digeestive biscuit A felt aat there wis sumthin on e lid o mi ee.

A teuk aff mi glesses n flicked mi finger ower mi ee, sadly insteed o meevin fitiver it wis awa A pushed it intil mi ee – michty whitten sair it wis!

Weel noo, tae cut a lang story short – efter a maist uncomfortable Setterday efterneen n evening – fin A got up on Sunday morning e Wife said she wis takin mi intil A & E’s in Aiberdeen. Ye ken A didna argie wi her!

So e doctor lassie efter pittin some draps intil mi ee tae deeden e pain she got goin wi her lichtie n fitiver else. She got rid o fitiver it wis aat it caased e problem n telt mi aat e back o mi ee hid bin scratit, then she pit in some intment n telt mi tae keep on pitten it in for aboot a wik.

A’m richt pleased tae say aat mi ee is jist aboot aa better noo - so ye winna get up mi blin side yet! Of coorse there is a moral tae es wee tale n A’m sheer ye aa ken fit it is – aye mak sheer aat ye weer yer safety glesses!!!!